Sunday

Today was a same kinda day filled with nothingness.I feel like what I have to say falls on deaf ears and noones cares to listen.I dont know why I even blog about my life cause noone even reads it anyway.

On the brighter side I got a wonderful husband who loves me for who I am and a little girl that I love to pieces. I also got a great mom whom I can talk to about whatever. I also got a best best friend Carrie who is like my sister who if I call she is right there. So if noone wants to pay me mind I got them :)

I also cant believe that is has been seven weeks since my Dad passed away. I miss him so much and I try so hard to be there for my Mom. He was such a great man that was loved by so many.

Thanksgiving

As we gathered around the table on Thursday there was a missing piece. My dad passed away October 9, 2011 and this was the first Thanksgiving without him. Sure Matt is a superb job cooking but there was a fog that lingered over our heads that something just isn't right this year. We did our best to make it nice for Noel but without dad there it just wasn't the same. I love you and miss you dad.

Monday

Noel has been having insomnia since being sick and starting aderall so I was so happy that she was able to fall asleep at a deceit hour tonight. I cant believe that thanksgiving is just about here. Its a bittersweet feeling since my dad wont be there. There will be a empty place at the table and in our hearts. When I lay my head down at night my mind floods with thoughts of my dad and then I cant sleep. Matt came home in a good mood and we were laughing and joking around which was good. Noel had a huge meltdown when bedtime came and I had to hold and pat her back till she calmed down. I hope a full night of sleep will do her some good.

Six weeks

Today marks the six week aniversary of my dads passing. It makes me so sad to think of him gone forever. On a brighter not Matt and I got to see a movie just the two of us.We went to see breaking dawn and it was great. Matt has to go in tommrow but the bonus he will get a extra day off next week. I hope Noel will be able to sleep its been days.

Friday

Noel has been up coughing the last three nights or so and hasn't been sleeping well, I feel so bad for her. The doctor said her throat and glands were swollen so he put her on an antibiotic. He also confirmed our suspicions of adhd and prescribed her aderall, I hope it helps. We go back in a month to talk about how it is working. This weekend marks six weeks since my dads passing and I still miss him as much as if it were yesterday. I hope this weekend goes well.

Just saying

Ok I know that compared to some I have an easy life but inside my head there is a battle going on that at times is torture. Alot of times my brain is going a million miles per hour and all I wanna do is bury my head in the sand. I try not to get envious of others but it is so hard. And just when I think I got a handle on the situation something disastrous  happens and I have to start all over again. I work on it everday and I am hopeful for better things to come.

sunday

 Noel is getting bigger and bigger each day. She is starting to read despite her learning disabilty. It amazes us everyday how smart she is and how much knowledge she has stored in her head. Once she get this reading thing down she will go through the roof. She is dealing welll with the death of her pappy but I am still concidering getting her into a grief support group for children. Tonight was a good night we played several games together and watched some movies while she built puzzles. We finished off the evening with stories and then she fell asleep at a descent hour.

On October 9, 2011 one of the greatest men I have ever know left this world. Richard Rowan Myers (my father) drifted out of this world in the arms of his love, my mother. The night I got the call I shrieked in horror and disbalief. I could not believe that my daddy died. We rushed over to my parents house after dropping my daughter off at a friends house and arrived before the undertaker took him away. I walking and and saw him laying on the bed. It was my dad but yet again it wasnt. His face had turned colors and he looked like an empty shell of the man that i knew as my father. It has been five weeks already but it still feels like yesterday and there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of him.

    How I wish you could have stayed

but you had to go away

and how I miss you every day

the pain is more than I can say

I hope you knew I love you

though at times it was hard to show

past regrets haunt me

for now it is too late

Im sorry if you didnt know

how i loved you so

you were my hero

and always will be

the end

When the dreams have faded

 and the black screen appears

not sure which way to turn

not sure which way to go

I see you in the distance

but can catch up to you not

you've gone beyond this world

not time for me to go

You turn around not

you continue on your trip

i cry out to you

and i feel my heart rip

goodbye till we meet again

goodbye ill see you in the end