good bye 2011/when sorrow comes

This year has been with so many emotions. From me almost dying, one of my cats passing and My Dad who I miss so much passing away. The good things are noel getting diagnosed adhd and she got meds which are helping so much in school and at home. She is actually starting to read despite having a learning disability. I just hope the New Year brings some joy and peace in my life. I also pray that my mom can find some inner peace and happiness in her life too for I can not image the pain she is feeling.

When sorrow comes are way

it does its best to try to stay

it want to push us and knock us down

till our faces our shrouded with a frown

What we need is up above

where there is unconditional love

All we need to do is ask

this is such a easy task

So when you think you have friends not

go where friendship should be sought

its where they know your name

and they are glad that you came

Christmas without you

Dear Daddy,

This holiday season is hard on all of us since you wont be there. There will be an empty chair where you would sit at the church for the Christmas Eve service. You wont be there to see the excitement on Noels face when she see that Santa did come. Noel still likes to talk about you. Today we went to her school for her sing a long and we were talking about how you were there in spirit. She said she saw an empty spot and she think that is where you was sitting, were you? I hope you are watching on how much progress she is making at school. I know you was concered about her reading and you don't have to worry she is making great strides and is learning how to deal with her adhd. Now that the cold weather is here and yes she wears that warm coat that you made sure she got before you left us. We all loved you so very much even though at times couldn't show it.Don't worry we will get our cars taking care of before the inspection expires something that you always worried about. You are in a place where you worries are none and you work is all done. You get to spend Christmas with Jesus and though I want you here it would be selfish of me. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas Daddy we will be ok.

Miss you dad

   I feel you around me

and then I'm not scared

your embrace protects me

there is nothing I fear

I made a wish on a star

how I want it to come true

it was like all the others

I wish I was with you

I know I will see you again

when I am called home

My father was such a good man. He would have given you his last dollar or the shirt off his back. Though he was quiet he would be there first to speak up if someone was hurting his family. I always felt safe with him in the house. 

December 13 2011

I am feeling kinda blah today. I have a headache and my throat is slightly sore. Noel woke up this morning saying she didn't feel well but I knew she was faking and made her get up and go, ha ha ha. Since being on the aderall she has had lots of trouble falling asleep so I asked her doctor and he said she can have a quarter of a pill of melatonin and it is working great, she is finally getting the rest she need. Its two am and I know i should be going to bed but cant ooooh the joys of having insomnia. Its still so hard to believe that dad really is gone. I still will have feelings like hey I will call dad but then I remember and I get sad all over again. Well I guess I will sign off.

December 11, 2011

It was so nice to hang with friends and family last night it gave my spirits a recharge. I sill cant believe my dad wont be here this Christmas. I just wish he could come back if only for a little while so we can say our goodbyes.Noel has been doing so well since starting her meds and I am so happy for that. Sorry if I'm rambling  but i am tired

eight weeks

Its been eight weeks since you left us

since you drew your last breath

The world lost a great man

the world lost a great friend

So much left unsaid

I pray you can hear me now

How I loved you so

and at times it was hard for me to show

I cant believe you are gone

you are in the great beyond

seeing sights we wish we could see

make sure to save a place for me

I love you Daddy

"Gone but never forgotten

sick kid and stuff

Poor Noel had a bad night last night. She was coughing so much she couldnt catch her breath and also couldnt sleep. I had to go to Giant Eagle at three am to get some meds, but at least she finally fell asleep. She got dance practice in the morning at the church then we are going to a childrens christmas party with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Dave.  I just hope Noel has a good night tonight.

I am starting to try to have a better out look on things. I still miss Dad everyday but I know he is in a better place. Noel has been doing well since starting aderal and that makes me so happy. We got the house all decorated for Christmas which always gives me a happy feeling. I am happy to say my blog got it first follower thanks Stefanie. I got a busy weekend coming up. Noel got dance at the church Saturday followed by a Christmas party. Then we got a bingo Christmas party on Sunday.