good bye 2011/when sorrow comes

This year has been with so many emotions. From me almost dying, one of my cats passing and My Dad who I miss so much passing away. The good things are noel getting diagnosed adhd and she got meds which are helping so much in school and at home. She is actually starting to read despite having a learning disability. I just hope the New Year brings some joy and peace in my life. I also pray that my mom can find some inner peace and happiness in her life too for I can not image the pain she is feeling.

When sorrow comes are way

it does its best to try to stay

it want to push us and knock us down

till our faces our shrouded with a frown

What we need is up above

where there is unconditional love

All we need to do is ask

this is such a easy task

So when you think you have friends not

go where friendship should be sought

its where they know your name

and they are glad that you came

Christmas without you

Dear Daddy,

This holiday season is hard on all of us since you wont be there. There will be an empty chair where you would sit at the church for the Christmas Eve service. You wont be there to see the excitement on Noels face when she see that Santa did come. Noel still likes to talk about you. Today we went to her school for her sing a long and we were talking about how you were there in spirit. She said she saw an empty spot and she think that is where you was sitting, were you? I hope you are watching on how much progress she is making at school. I know you was concered about her reading and you don't have to worry she is making great strides and is learning how to deal with her adhd. Now that the cold weather is here and yes she wears that warm coat that you made sure she got before you left us. We all loved you so very much even though at times couldn't show it.Don't worry we will get our cars taking care of before the inspection expires something that you always worried about. You are in a place where you worries are none and you work is all done. You get to spend Christmas with Jesus and though I want you here it would be selfish of me. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas Daddy we will be ok.

Miss you dad

   I feel you around me

and then I'm not scared

your embrace protects me

there is nothing I fear

I made a wish on a star

how I want it to come true

it was like all the others

I wish I was with you

I know I will see you again

when I am called home

My father was such a good man. He would have given you his last dollar or the shirt off his back. Though he was quiet he would be there first to speak up if someone was hurting his family. I always felt safe with him in the house. 

December 13 2011

I am feeling kinda blah today. I have a headache and my throat is slightly sore. Noel woke up this morning saying she didn't feel well but I knew she was faking and made her get up and go, ha ha ha. Since being on the aderall she has had lots of trouble falling asleep so I asked her doctor and he said she can have a quarter of a pill of melatonin and it is working great, she is finally getting the rest she need. Its two am and I know i should be going to bed but cant ooooh the joys of having insomnia. Its still so hard to believe that dad really is gone. I still will have feelings like hey I will call dad but then I remember and I get sad all over again. Well I guess I will sign off.

December 11, 2011

It was so nice to hang with friends and family last night it gave my spirits a recharge. I sill cant believe my dad wont be here this Christmas. I just wish he could come back if only for a little while so we can say our goodbyes.Noel has been doing so well since starting her meds and I am so happy for that. Sorry if I'm rambling  but i am tired

eight weeks

Its been eight weeks since you left us

since you drew your last breath

The world lost a great man

the world lost a great friend

So much left unsaid

I pray you can hear me now

How I loved you so

and at times it was hard for me to show

I cant believe you are gone

you are in the great beyond

seeing sights we wish we could see

make sure to save a place for me

I love you Daddy

"Gone but never forgotten

sick kid and stuff

Poor Noel had a bad night last night. She was coughing so much she couldnt catch her breath and also couldnt sleep. I had to go to Giant Eagle at three am to get some meds, but at least she finally fell asleep. She got dance practice in the morning at the church then we are going to a childrens christmas party with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Dave.  I just hope Noel has a good night tonight.

I am starting to try to have a better out look on things. I still miss Dad everyday but I know he is in a better place. Noel has been doing well since starting aderal and that makes me so happy. We got the house all decorated for Christmas which always gives me a happy feeling. I am happy to say my blog got it first follower thanks Stefanie. I got a busy weekend coming up. Noel got dance at the church Saturday followed by a Christmas party. Then we got a bingo Christmas party on Sunday.

Sunday

Today was a same kinda day filled with nothingness.I feel like what I have to say falls on deaf ears and noones cares to listen.I dont know why I even blog about my life cause noone even reads it anyway.

On the brighter side I got a wonderful husband who loves me for who I am and a little girl that I love to pieces. I also got a great mom whom I can talk to about whatever. I also got a best best friend Carrie who is like my sister who if I call she is right there. So if noone wants to pay me mind I got them :)

I also cant believe that is has been seven weeks since my Dad passed away. I miss him so much and I try so hard to be there for my Mom. He was such a great man that was loved by so many.

Thanksgiving

As we gathered around the table on Thursday there was a missing piece. My dad passed away October 9, 2011 and this was the first Thanksgiving without him. Sure Matt is a superb job cooking but there was a fog that lingered over our heads that something just isn't right this year. We did our best to make it nice for Noel but without dad there it just wasn't the same. I love you and miss you dad.

Monday

Noel has been having insomnia since being sick and starting aderall so I was so happy that she was able to fall asleep at a deceit hour tonight. I cant believe that thanksgiving is just about here. Its a bittersweet feeling since my dad wont be there. There will be a empty place at the table and in our hearts. When I lay my head down at night my mind floods with thoughts of my dad and then I cant sleep. Matt came home in a good mood and we were laughing and joking around which was good. Noel had a huge meltdown when bedtime came and I had to hold and pat her back till she calmed down. I hope a full night of sleep will do her some good.

Six weeks

Today marks the six week aniversary of my dads passing. It makes me so sad to think of him gone forever. On a brighter not Matt and I got to see a movie just the two of us.We went to see breaking dawn and it was great. Matt has to go in tommrow but the bonus he will get a extra day off next week. I hope Noel will be able to sleep its been days.

Friday

Noel has been up coughing the last three nights or so and hasn't been sleeping well, I feel so bad for her. The doctor said her throat and glands were swollen so he put her on an antibiotic. He also confirmed our suspicions of adhd and prescribed her aderall, I hope it helps. We go back in a month to talk about how it is working. This weekend marks six weeks since my dads passing and I still miss him as much as if it were yesterday. I hope this weekend goes well.

Just saying

Ok I know that compared to some I have an easy life but inside my head there is a battle going on that at times is torture. Alot of times my brain is going a million miles per hour and all I wanna do is bury my head in the sand. I try not to get envious of others but it is so hard. And just when I think I got a handle on the situation something disastrous  happens and I have to start all over again. I work on it everday and I am hopeful for better things to come.

sunday

 Noel is getting bigger and bigger each day. She is starting to read despite her learning disabilty. It amazes us everyday how smart she is and how much knowledge she has stored in her head. Once she get this reading thing down she will go through the roof. She is dealing welll with the death of her pappy but I am still concidering getting her into a grief support group for children. Tonight was a good night we played several games together and watched some movies while she built puzzles. We finished off the evening with stories and then she fell asleep at a descent hour.

On October 9, 2011 one of the greatest men I have ever know left this world. Richard Rowan Myers (my father) drifted out of this world in the arms of his love, my mother. The night I got the call I shrieked in horror and disbalief. I could not believe that my daddy died. We rushed over to my parents house after dropping my daughter off at a friends house and arrived before the undertaker took him away. I walking and and saw him laying on the bed. It was my dad but yet again it wasnt. His face had turned colors and he looked like an empty shell of the man that i knew as my father. It has been five weeks already but it still feels like yesterday and there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of him.

    How I wish you could have stayed

but you had to go away

and how I miss you every day

the pain is more than I can say

I hope you knew I love you

though at times it was hard to show

past regrets haunt me

for now it is too late

Im sorry if you didnt know

how i loved you so

you were my hero

and always will be

the end

When the dreams have faded

 and the black screen appears

not sure which way to turn

not sure which way to go

I see you in the distance

but can catch up to you not

you've gone beyond this world

not time for me to go

You turn around not

you continue on your trip

i cry out to you

and i feel my heart rip

goodbye till we meet again

goodbye ill see you in the end