Yelling towards the sky

I ask why oh why

Look for those that used to be

I guess they are longer with me

The nights moves slow

but the days go fast

my head is swimming

don't know if I'll last

Looking for the silver lining

at times it cant be found

I trip and I stumble

and get hurled to the ground

Its so hard to do this

day after day

sometime I flee

and do not want to stay

We will meet again

where the earth meets the stars

and at the rainbows end

This is not goodbye

I will see you beyond the sky

and I know its okay to cry

Each day is very hard

I try to make it through

but its so hard without you

What I wouldnt give for one more try

to start the clock again

and say what needs to be said

but I know we will meet again

In the wee hours do i sit since i cant sleep anyways. I got some cleaning done. But you are always on the back of my mind. The sadness overcomes me till the point of where I feel like I am chocking. The other day Noel and I went to your grave sight and as usual i am sad after but when i got into the car i could smell a man cologne that only lasted for a few moments and then it was gone. I like to think that it was  you saying hello. Noel is doing so well Dad. I know you were concerned about her not reading but now that she is on aderal she is able to focus and she is reading, i know you must be happy about that. She is a beautiful smart and caring child. A mother at church told the pastors wife said how nice Noel was to her disabled child. You know she is just soooo caring and loving that at time I am like how did I get so lucky. I just wanted to let you know the Matt is working so hard and taking very good care of us. I am all better from my mrsa scare. Your birthday is coming soon and I know it going to be hard.

The Night

Latley it has been so hard for me to sleep at night. I have always suffered from insomnia but lately it has been horrible. I sit in the dark and the voices in my head will not stop. I think of my dad and a whirwind of what ifs fill my thoughts till the point of being scared and sad at the same time. Its all I can do at times to get a few hours of broken sleep then get up with Noel to take her to school then I come home and crash. Sleeping during the daytime is easier and I manage to get some sleep but it doesnt feel enough. 

First Day back at school

Today was Noels first day back to school after christmas break well i do think it went well  she was a unhappy camper

good bye 2011/when sorrow comes

This year has been with so many emotions. From me almost dying, one of my cats passing and My Dad who I miss so much passing away. The good things are noel getting diagnosed adhd and she got meds which are helping so much in school and at home. She is actually starting to read despite having a learning disability. I just hope the New Year brings some joy and peace in my life. I also pray that my mom can find some inner peace and happiness in her life too for I can not image the pain she is feeling.

When sorrow comes are way

it does its best to try to stay

it want to push us and knock us down

till our faces our shrouded with a frown

What we need is up above

where there is unconditional love

All we need to do is ask

this is such a easy task

So when you think you have friends not

go where friendship should be sought

its where they know your name

and they are glad that you came